"I get it. Believe me, I do. Try learning stuff this complicated when you're only fourteen..." He shrugged it off, making it clear he wasn't trying to invalidate how overwhelming it all was to Bucky.
"But I was an assassin for a while, too. I know what that laser focus is like, how strange it is to lose it, to not know what to do with yourself. Something like this? Best thing you can do is put one foot in front of another until it's over with. But ..."
He thought a moment about the other thing Bucky had said. "It won't be a complete change. Last time, it was just the balance if power shifting. Political climates, that sort of B.S. We won't be different monsters, most of the city will still be the same. Maybe a couple of buildings might change, but ... if there's one thing you can count on, it's change. You already know how to stay on your toes and adapt to a situation, you'll be fine. Even if it might not feel like it right now."
"I don't know how well I feel like I adapt," Bucky answered honestly. "In the last months, I went from HYDRA's Asset, to falling here with no powers and getting found by Peter, who said he knew me, and then ending up in those woods with those monsters, then turning into a monster and mutilating people, and then when I think I can just hide from that, I'm me, like this, again, here, and..."
He shook his head slowly. "There's change, and then there's...too much change."
"Yeah." Horatio nodded slowly, remembering their previous conversation. The poor guy wasn't going to be able to figure out who he was very well at this rate.
"While you were hiding, did you at least get a little time to think? That's better than nothing."
"That's unfortunately where you're going wrong," Horatio frowned. "As much as you might not want to, you need to feed once a month. If you consciously choose a person who's a scumbag, like a lot of us do, it's easier. You're keeping other people safe. Doing the populace a favor. But ... the sooner you find a way to deal with it on your own terms, on a regular schedule ... the easier it'll be to keep control of yourself. To not have it constantly intruding on your thoughts."
"It's...not exactly easy for me to know for sure about scumbags," Bucky said after a moment. "My meter for who's good and who's bad has been skewed...a lot. But..."
He seemed to ponder that for a long moment. "I...suppose. I suppose if I keep an eye out, maybe just...keep looking for people. Watch for bad guys...?"
"It's a tried-and-true enough method," Horatio encouraged him with a nod. "I know plenty of people who use it. If you really want to be foolproof, there are a few areas in the city of Vandare that are chock-full of monster-hating jerks."
"I guess I can give it a try," Bucky said softly, grimacing a little. "...sorry that you have to keep easing down an old man who should mostly have his things together. I do appreciate it, though."
"Don't worry about it. People had to tell me all this stuff at one point, too, after all." He smirks. "Besides, I'm a lot older than I look. Probably older than you, even."
"At this point, I don't suppose that would surprise me either. There's been so many surprises in this place, the idea of a kid who's even older than I am wouldn't be a drop in the bucket at this point." Bucky snorted. "Still. I owe you a lot, okay?"
"If you say so," Horatio shrugs. "Tell you what. When we're back to the Bavan we all know and grudgingly tolerate, just come help volunteer at the Lighthouse when you can. Or pay it forward when new people start asking you stuff." He gives Bucky a smile and a wink. "It's how I ended up where I am."
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sforzinda
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Date: 2022-10-31 05:06 pm (UTC)"But I was an assassin for a while, too. I know what that laser focus is like, how strange it is to lose it, to not know what to do with yourself. Something like this? Best thing you can do is put one foot in front of another until it's over with. But ..."
He thought a moment about the other thing Bucky had said. "It won't be a complete change. Last time, it was just the balance if power shifting. Political climates, that sort of B.S. We won't be different monsters, most of the city will still be the same. Maybe a couple of buildings might change, but ... if there's one thing you can count on, it's change. You already know how to stay on your toes and adapt to a situation, you'll be fine. Even if it might not feel like it right now."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 05:08 pm (UTC)He shook his head slowly. "There's change, and then there's...too much change."
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Date: 2022-10-31 05:11 pm (UTC)"While you were hiding, did you at least get a little time to think? That's better than nothing."
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Date: 2022-10-31 05:21 pm (UTC)Bucky grimaced a little, looking away again.
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Date: 2022-11-14 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-21 05:24 pm (UTC)He seemed to ponder that for a long moment. "I...suppose. I suppose if I keep an eye out, maybe just...keep looking for people. Watch for bad guys...?"
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Date: 2022-12-05 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-05 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-11 02:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-16 03:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-18 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-19 09:00 pm (UTC)Bucky smiled a little back. "Yeah, I'll...I'll try to help out like that. Or however I can."